Thoughts as I recover

It’s been nearly two weeks since I crashed on PAC Tour on a back road in Oregon. Seems like a long way away but it’s brought closer remembering that my friends continue on the same trip which I was to be on. They’ve reached Texas now and are doing great! Still riding strong, I’m confident of that.

If you know me, there are several attributes which I would describe myself as having, perhaps you agree. I think I’ve very goal oriented, independent and have an ‘I can do it myself,’ attitude. All of those have been thrown out the window in the last two weeks. Starting with independence, I’ve become dependent on the seeming never ending support of my family and friends. Where I normally wouldn’t ask for help, I don’t have to it’s there before I ask. Several people have gone above and beyond and I don’t have the words to thank them. Right now, I really cannot do much by myself. Though I can get around my house reasonably well, there are limits. Simple things like carrying my laundry downstairs or taking out my garbage cans (or removing the dead animal in the backyard that happened while I was gone, yuck, thanks Steve), or most importantly, food! I can’t go to the grocery store alone. I must say though that there is a whole new selection at eye level from a wheelchair! My son helped me all weekend and went above and beyond the call of duty. He truly has a giving heart, at least for his Mommy. Thank goodness he can drive me around, but now he’s returned to his summer home and job, and that’s alright.

Physically, I think I’m progressing well. I can gingerly walk around the house without a walker. I can shower sitting on a chair, cook for myself and do a little more each day. This is perhaps one of the first times in my life I’ve felt like I had a disability and I can see how frustrating it would be. I probably don’t even see it as it would truly be because I know I’m going to get better. With the exception of bruises, all but one of the external wounds has healed and is gone. The last one will be gone this week, leaving all the healing to come from within.

Emotionally, this has been a roller coaster. I was one of the few who ride bikes who had never crashed. While perhaps inevitable, having it happen during a trip that I planned for a year, wrapping myself around it constantly, left a whole inside of me. I’m so sad that I’m not with my friends, braving through the winds and probably coming rains. The goal orientation in me feels at a loss. I’m used to setting goals, even ridiculously hard ones, and meeting them. This was a first, I’d never even had a DNF in a ride or race. So I’m adjusting to that. I certainly can’t stay sad and am thankful to God that the injuries I sustained were, in the scheme of things, minor. I understand He has a plan for me and maybe it includes a cross country trip in the future, but maybe it doesn’t. Right now I just don’t know.

This I do know, I have a whole community of family and friends who I love and have overwhelmed me with their care and concern during this time. I thank each and every one of them. I know that many, MANY, positive things are going to come from this and that when I get back on the bike, I will be as strong as ever (at least after a month or so). I am an extremely fortunate person and will learn lessons from this experience that I may not realize until later, but they’ll be there. I continue to believe that Life is Good and will continue to try, to push myself and to trust in God in all I do.

There are silver linings! Lisa